Taking Responsibility For Your Own Life and Stopping the Blame Game
The number one thing I see and hear in the world today are people blaming external forces for their problems or current situation.
You’ve probably heard someone say:
“It’s all THEIR fault!”
“Sure my job stinks, but what can I do about it?! I’ve gotta pay the bills, don’t I?”
“Things could NOT get any worse…”
Today we are part of a society that loves to play The Blame Game! We blame everyone and everything for our problems, bad relationships, and cruddy situations. And why do we do this? Well it’s a great self-defense mechanism, isn’t it?! If we actually stop for a moment, take a breath, and look within we might have to reflect on something we didn’t want to see about ourselves and I’ll tell you first hand — that ain’t easy!
But when we engage in The Blame Game, we give all of our power away and, essentially, let anyone or anything have control over us.
So step right up to the Wheel of Blame to see who we can point a finger at today for our current state of misery.
Will it be Our…
- Significant Other
- Friends or Frenemies
- Family Members
Now please don’t think I’m sitting on some perfect, soul searching throne over here. I’ve done my fair share of playing The Blame Game — I especially like to blame my day job that pays the bills but I detest!!! Oh, can I go on and on about it! (Can you relate?!) But a few days I was sitting in my quiet hotel room and had an “AHA” moment…
“If games are suppose to be fun, why I am I no longer having any fun?”
Right then and there I cancelled my subscription to The Blame Game, flipped the station, and decided it was time to start my own channel!
Every big change in our lives starts with us making a decision. So I sat down, took a long, deep breath, and thought about the ways I’d contributed to my own unhappiness. In case you’re wondering, this isn’t the easiest or most enjoyable conversation to have with yourself. But once I started to reflect on my own melancholy, I saw how my decisions, my behaviors, and my beliefs contributed to the pattern I was stuck in.
This is the pivotal moment, when I was able to step back for a moment and acknowledge my own agency, then I could see that it wasn’t my job’s fault that I’m miserable (it’s just a job after all!) — that I had played a role in my own unhappiness too.
I knew in that moment that I needed to change the way I look at things and my level of awareness. It was up to me to make the changes necessary!
I believe that we are here to learn and grow — though we’re not always the most obedient students! Once we embrace the opportunity to learn a lesson, then we can assimilate it, and move onto the next one. However, if we try to take the easy route and avoid the necessary work to learn a particular exercise, then we’ll keep finding opportunities over and over again to learn it.
Life is a persistent teacher and she will continue to throw us the same assignment until we finally decide to learn from them.
So if you’re ready to move forward with your life, reclaim your power, and make a change for good – then here are some tips to start learning that lesson you’re resisting:
- Believe there is a lesson to be learned and agree to learn it.
Admit that you might have helped create the problem. This does not meant that no one else played a part. It just means perhaps you may have played a part as well.
Find some quiet time (I recommend meditation) to go deep within your heart and think about the situation or problem. Try to see it from a higher level of awareness or perspective. Is there another way to see or view the problem? This requires you hold up that self-reflective mirror and be really honest with yourself about your choices and actions. If you can shift your perspective, then you may immediately see or sense what the lesson is to be learned and how it is to be learned!
Let go of your attachment to the problem. In other words detach from the problem. Trying to control the problem, your boss, your spouse, or your circumstances will only keep you attached to it. The more you hold onto a problem, the more it latches right back onto you! You will never be able to see the lesson or the solution if you keep focusing on what is wrong. You must let go, detach, and accept the situation.
Focus on the positives and not the negatives. What we give our attention to is what we draw towards us. So focus on what you want — not what you don’t!
- We have to take responsibility for our own actions! I know that’s not always easy, but it’s worth it! If everything is someone else’s fault, then what part do I play in my own life?! Knowing we can accept responsibility when things go wrong means we can also take credit when things go well.